Are You Allowed Guests in a Shared House? What You Need to Know

Living in a shared house sounds simple-split rent, share the fridge, maybe even watch TV together. But when someone shows up to stay overnight, or a friend drops in for dinner, things can get messy fast. Are you allowed guests in a shared house? The answer isn’t as straightforward as you might think.

It Depends on the Agreement

There’s no universal rule. Whether guests are allowed depends entirely on what’s written in your shared ownership agreement-or even just what everyone agreed to verbally when you moved in. Some houses have strict rules. Others are totally chill. The key is knowing what’s actually on paper.

In New Zealand, shared ownership homes often fall under a joint tenancy or co-tenancy setup. That means everyone named on the lease is equally responsible for the property. If your landlord or property manager has a policy about guests, it applies to all of you. And if they don’t? Then it’s up to the group.

Many agreements include a clause like: “No overnight guests without prior written consent from all co-tenants.” Sounds strict? Maybe. But it’s there because one person’s guest staying for three weeks can turn into a full-blown conflict. One person’s “short visit” is another’s ruined sleep schedule.

What Counts as a Guest?

Not every visitor counts as a “guest.” A friend popping in for coffee? Fine. A cousin staying for the weekend? That’s different. Most shared homes draw the line at overnight stays. Some set limits: one guest per week, max two nights. Others say no guests at all unless you’re all okay with it.

Here’s how most groups handle it:

• Short visits (under 4 hours): Usually fine. No need to ask.
• Overnight (1-2 nights): Often requires group approval. Text the group chat. Don’t just assume.
• Long-term stays (3+ nights): Treated like a new housemate. Might need to sign a form, pay extra rent, or go through a screening process.

One Auckland household I spoke with had a rule: no one could have a guest stay longer than 72 hours without a group vote. They even had a shared Google Sheet where you logged guest dates. It sounds overkill-but it stopped arguments before they started.

Why Do These Rules Exist?

It’s not about being controlling. It’s about fairness.

Shared houses have limited space. One extra person means more dishes, more laundry, more toilet paper, more electricity. If someone’s guest eats half the groceries or leaves a mess in the bathroom, everyone pays the price. And if a guest damages something? You’re all on the hook.

There’s also privacy. Not everyone wants strangers wandering through their room or using their bathroom at 11 p.m. Some people work night shifts. Others have anxiety. A surprise guest can throw off someone’s routine without warning.

And then there’s the legal side. Landlords often limit how many people can live in a property based on council regulations. If you sneak in a third person without telling the landlord, you could be breaking your lease. That’s not just a housemate issue-it’s a legal risk.

How to Handle It Without Fighting

Here’s what works in real shared homes:

1. Write it down. Don’t rely on memory. Create a simple guest policy and sign it. Even a one-page document helps.
2. Set clear limits. “No more than two overnight guests per month per person” is better than “no guests.”
3. Use a group chat. Before you invite someone over, drop a message: “Hey, is it cool if Alex stays Friday-Sunday?” Give people 24 hours to respond.
4. Be consistent. If you let your buddy stay every weekend, you can’t suddenly say no to someone else’s guest. That’s unfair.
5. Charge extra if needed. Some groups charge $10-$20 per night for guests to cover extra utilities. It’s not about profit-it’s about balance.

One group in Ōtāhuhu started a “guest fund.” Every time someone had a guest, they put $5 in a jar. At the end of the month, they used it for takeout or toilet paper. Simple. Fair. No drama.

What If Someone Breaks the Rules?

It happens. Someone invites their ex for a week without telling anyone. Or a guest starts sleeping on the couch every night. What then?

Don’t yell. Don’t post about it on social media. Have a calm, private conversation. Say: “I noticed Sam’s been staying here for six nights. We didn’t agree to that. Can we talk about how to handle this?”

If it keeps happening? Bring it up in a group meeting. If your house has a formal agreement, remind them of the clause. If there’s no written rule? Use this moment to make one.

Remember: the goal isn’t to punish. It’s to protect the peace of the whole house.

What About Visitors During the Day?

Daytime visitors are usually low-risk. A friend coming over to study? A cousin dropping by? Most shared houses don’t care-unless it’s daily, all day, every day.

But if someone’s partner is hanging out in the living room 8 hours a day, five days a week? That’s not a visitor. That’s a cohabitant in disguise. And if they’re using your utilities, eating your food, or claiming your space? It’s time to talk.

What If the Landlord Says No?

Some landlords outright ban guests. Why? Insurance. Liability. Or just because they want control.

If your lease says “no guests,” then technically, you can’t have anyone stay overnight-even your mum. That’s harsh, but it’s legal. In that case, you have two options:

• Follow the rule. No exceptions. Even if it means your friend sleeps on the floor at their place.
• Negotiate. Ask the landlord if they’ll allow occasional guests if you give notice. Some will say yes if you’re reliable.

Don’t ignore the rule. Landlords can issue warnings-or even evictions-for lease violations. One Auckland tenant got a 14-day notice because their friend stayed for five nights. The landlord said it was “excessive occupancy.”

Final Rule: Respect > Rules

Rules are helpful. But the real key to living in a shared house is respect.

If you’re thoughtful-letting people know ahead of time, cleaning up after yourself, not overusing shared resources-you’ll rarely have a problem. Most housemates don’t mind guests. They mind being surprised. They mind being left with the mess. They mind paying extra because someone else didn’t ask.

So next time you want to bring someone over? Just ask. A simple “Hey, is it cool if my friend stays Friday?” goes further than any rulebook.